I am glad to hear you say this is part of a larger piece in progress, because that is really the only critique I had, that the story ends right when it is about to really take off. It is easier to hint at some big confrontation on the horizon than to actually write it, I know because I've done that many times myself. I would love to see you dive headfirst into this conflict and see where it goes. How far into this are you, or how much more do you have finished?
I love not only the setup here, but just your writing style in general. I have read 3 or 4 of your stories now and each time it feels like you are very much in control of exactly what you want to do with your prose, the stories feel like they are just in the palm of your hand ready to be molded or manipulated exactly the way that you wish, that is a huge skill to have as a writer. I really like the way that you seem to be playing with situations and experimenting in the same realm of ideas. The Sleeve and Pillow Talk are both situations with a man hiding infidelity from his wife or girlfriend and the negative consequences that unravel from that.
When a writer is in a little thematic groove it always interests me to see these different iterations of a theme or idea. Short stories are like this little artistic sandbox that a writer can play with situations and experiment with people's reactions and choices and branching paths. That is why I really want to see the rest of this and see how it compares or differs from The Sleeve in its climax/resolution.
Great story! It paints a very vivid but brief picture of a once-loving marriage that now has a deep underscoring of distrust. Love the mathematical, philosophical introduction as it eases us into this clever little, carefully planned trick she plays. The way she does it is very well thought-out and convincingly articulated. I wanted to see that scene where she confronts him about Michael/Michelle perhaps expanded a bit more, since I feel that the meat of the story can really flourish, since you've done so well establishing the two characters beforehand and their competing desires. Has a lot of potential for tense dramatic confrontation. But overall a compelling read.
I am glad to hear you say this is part of a larger piece in progress, because that is really the only critique I had, that the story ends right when it is about to really take off. It is easier to hint at some big confrontation on the horizon than to actually write it, I know because I've done that many times myself. I would love to see you dive headfirst into this conflict and see where it goes. How far into this are you, or how much more do you have finished?
I love not only the setup here, but just your writing style in general. I have read 3 or 4 of your stories now and each time it feels like you are very much in control of exactly what you want to do with your prose, the stories feel like they are just in the palm of your hand ready to be molded or manipulated exactly the way that you wish, that is a huge skill to have as a writer. I really like the way that you seem to be playing with situations and experimenting in the same realm of ideas. The Sleeve and Pillow Talk are both situations with a man hiding infidelity from his wife or girlfriend and the negative consequences that unravel from that.
When a writer is in a little thematic groove it always interests me to see these different iterations of a theme or idea. Short stories are like this little artistic sandbox that a writer can play with situations and experiment with people's reactions and choices and branching paths. That is why I really want to see the rest of this and see how it compares or differs from The Sleeve in its climax/resolution.
I really enjoyed this one Zackary, awesome work.
Great story! It paints a very vivid but brief picture of a once-loving marriage that now has a deep underscoring of distrust. Love the mathematical, philosophical introduction as it eases us into this clever little, carefully planned trick she plays. The way she does it is very well thought-out and convincingly articulated. I wanted to see that scene where she confronts him about Michael/Michelle perhaps expanded a bit more, since I feel that the meat of the story can really flourish, since you've done so well establishing the two characters beforehand and their competing desires. Has a lot of potential for tense dramatic confrontation. But overall a compelling read.
Hey Pablo, thanks for the input!